Bathtime for Toad
by Red Witch
Summary: The Brotherhood gets its most dangerous mission yet! It's not an easy job, but somebody's gotta do it!


Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine ****

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. (Duh!) Just an insane idea I got one night. Hope you enjoy!

Bathtime for Toad

It was a typical morning at school. Lance, Pietro, and Fred were sitting in Mystique's office. Actually Lance and Pietro were sitting. Fred just stood there for obvious reasons. She was giving them orders for a new assignment. They were not happy with it.

"Why us?" asked Lance. "Why do we have to do it?"

"Yeah, why don't you tell frog-boy to take care of it on his own?" Pietro added. 

"I did. Surprise surprise, it didn't work," she explained in that 'I am getting a headache so just do what I want' voice. "So I am letting the more competent members of the team handle it."

They looked at each other, each feeling a little ill. "Uh…" Fred said in an unusually quiet voice. "You know, it's not that bad. Once you get used to it."

"Uh, yeah. It's really not that bad," Lance picked up.

"Like an acquired taste. Er, smell actually," Pietro added. "Earthy, yet uh…surprising."

"It's kinda like uh…springtime on the farm!" added Fred. "Kinda like home. Lots of good memories."

"More like springtime on a garbage heap!" Mystique snapped. "Just do it! Today! After school, I'll keep him in detention for something or other. I'll make something up. That way you can prepare. I put a few items in here that might help you," she pushed forward a black box. "Something tells me you're going to need them."

"Look why don't you do it?" Pietro snapped. "You're the one who wants him to stop smelling so bad! Why don't you just play mommy and do it yourself instead of having us do your dirty work for you?" 

It did not take long for Pietro to realize that that may not have been one of the smartest things he had ever said. Instantly Mystique turned herself into a gigantic purple thing. A gigantic purple thing with very large sharp teeth. An extremely angry gigantic purple thing with very large sharp teeth.

"LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE TWERP! YOU DO AS I ORDER WITHOUT QUESTION! UNDERSTAND?!" It snarled in an evil voice. It glared at them with hideous red eyes. "THAT GOES FOR ALL OF YOU! GET IT?"

"Oh yeah! We got it! You're the boss! Okay okay we'll do it!" The members of the Brotherhood agreed.

"Good," Mystique returned to her everyday principal disguise. "Now that that's settled. Take the box and this afternoon you will accomplish your mission. Now…GET OUT!"

The boys could not leave the room fast enough. Unfortunately they forgot the box. Just for a second. Then Pietro ran back in the room. "Uh…sorry," He apologized. "Forgot. My bad. Ha. Ha." He took the box, smiled a disarming smile. This made Mystique even angrier. "Okay,gottago.Loveyou.Bye." Pietro gulped and sped out of the room.

Pietro joined his friends outside. "Nice going, Pietro," Fred snapped. "Man I thought she was going to eat us alive, thanks to you!"

"Me? You're the one with the stupid 'springtime on the farm' line!"

"Yeah? Well it beats 'Earthy but surprising'." 

"Does not"

"Does too."

"Does not."

"Does too."

"Will you two losers knock it off!" snapped Lance. "Your stupid ideas are giving me a headache."

"Hey, at least we had ideas!" said Fred.

"Yeah I didn't hear you come up with anything!" Pietro pointed out. "I don't like the smell either but anything is better than what Mystique wants us to do!"

"Hey I got it!" said Fred. "This is simple. We tie him to the hood of Lance's car, then we take him to the car wash. Boom! Problem solved. As long as we remember not to use hot wax on him it should work."

"Freddy," Lance replied in a patient voice. "It will not work for several reasons. One, there is no way I am letting that little loon near my car unless it is absolutely necessary. Two. We can't afford the car wash. Three. Even if we had the money, we can't go to the car wash anyway. We were banned from it after you pulled that same stunt last month, remember?"

"Oh yeah. I forgot. But that was fun! I got so clean! I liked the bristles and the blue spongy things and…"

"Okay, that's enough of that!" interrupted Lance. 

"We could take him to the lake. Dump him in there," Pietro suggested. 

"Nah. Might end up poisoning the fish instead," Lance shook his head.

"We could take him to the Water Park," suggested Fred. "Oh yeah, wait. We're banned from that too."

"Let's face it guys. We have no choice but to go through with it. C'mon," Lance shrugged. "Duty calls."

Later that day back at the Brotherhood house…

"Okay, have we got everything?" asked Lance. "Rubber gloves?"

"Check," Pietro nodded checking off the list.

"Soap?"

"Check."

"Scrub brush?"

"Check."

"Washcloths and towels?"

"Check."

"Shampoo?"

"Check."

"Net?"

"Check."

"Rope?"

"Check."

"Protective padding?"

"Check."

"Chloroform?"

"Uh…we're out of that."

"How can we be out of that? Mystique gave us that stuff this morning?"

"Uh yeah I know. But there was this Chemistry test I wanted to get out of so I kinda put the teacher out for the day."

"Put him out? You put him to sleep? How did you keep the rest of the class from not noticing?"

"Uh, that's what I did with the rest of it. Hey, it's not like anyone saw me or anything! I'm too fast! It also got me out of gym too!"

"O-kay. Moving on. Fred, did you shut all the windows?"

"Yup!"

"What about the back door?"

"Locked up tight."

"Is the bathroom ready?"

"That's Pietro's job."

"No it isn't. I thought Lance did it," said Pietro.

"No, that's Freddy's job," said Lance.

"I thought my job was to shut the windows and bolt the doors and block up the chimney?" Fred asked with a confused look on his face.

"It is, but you are also in charge of getting the bathroom ready for him," Lance replied.

"Well I didn't know that!"

"Well you know now!"

"Well what is Pietro doing?" 

"My job was to get the equipment and get some clean clothes for him, which by the way was a job in itself!" snapped Pietro. "That kid has nothing in his closet. I put what little he had in the wash. You know what happened? They disintegrated! The only thing keeping them together was the dirt! So I had to get one of my outfits and alter it. It's a good thing I can sew otherwise the little frog'd be running around naked."

"Thank you Pietro for giving us that image!" groaned Lance. 

"Hey what do you do?" asked Fred.

"He's got the worst job," snickered Pietro.

"It's not funny, Pietro!" Lance snarled. 

"Hey, we drew for it. Short straw loses. You got it," Pietro pointed out.

"Don't remind me!"

"Hey guys what time is it?" asked Fred. "I mean he's gonna be home pretty soon and…"

"Fine, fine," Lance sighed. "I'll get it ready! Now suit up and get into position. This isn't gonna be pretty."

Todd Tolensky shuffled home. _Why does she always pick on me?_ He thought to himself. _I am the only person I know for getting a detention for being late to class when I was standing inside the class two minutes before the bell rang. She hates me. Maybe the boss just flipped out on her again and she's taking it out on me. Oh well, at least it wasn't so bad this time. Weird how nearly everybody else was sound asleep. Even the teacher._

He giggled to himself. His longtime tormentor Duncan was also in detention for sleeping in class. He was also asleep in detention. This gave Todd some interesting ideas. 

"Boy is he gonna have a hard time explaining his hair and why he was wearing a bra to his new girlfriend!" He nearly fell over laughing. "Best part is, he'll never know it was me! I knew it would be worth it to learn how to copy Blue-Boy's handwriting. Plus, I gotta early birthday present. Heh Heh!"

He fingered through a stack of bills. "Man there must be at least a hundred bucks here! And it's Friday! Time to hang with my buds and par-tay!"

He did a few hops and jumps as he entered the house. "Yo guys! Toad in the house! Who's up for some pizza and movies? I'm buyin'!"

He looked around. Then he heard the door lock behind him. He turned around and saw his friends. They were wearing pads on their elbows and knees. Fred had a catcher's mask on. "Whoa," Todd remarked. "What's with the getup? You guys making up another game or somethin? Man, the last time we did that we had paint all over the house for a week! Heh, Mystique blew a gasket when that happened. Better warn you, she ain't in a good mood. Gave me detention for no reason. Wasn't a total loss though. Got some pizza money, courtesy of Duncan. So uh, whazzup?"

"Toad," said Lance. "Didn't Mystique tell you to...clean yourself up?"

"Hey, hey. I don't care what she said. That bird musta had a heart attack or somethin'! Uh, guys?" Todd looked around nervously. The three larger boys were slowly advancing on him. 

"Okay Tolensky," Lance said. "Just go into the bathroom and no one gets hurt."

"Uh…guys?" Todd gulped. "You're not gonna do what I think you are going to do? Are you?" You wouldn't."

"Sorry, little guy. Boss lady's orders," Fred shrugged.

"Aw c'mon guys I don't smell that bad!"

"Toad if you only just took a shower like a normal person we wouldn't have to do this so it's only your own fault," Pietro sneered. "Now be a good little boy and get into the bathroom."

"No you wouldn't do that to me! Aw c'mon guys!" Todd backed away in fright.

"Okay, Toad. Remember this. This may embarrass you, but it will leave psychological scars on us for the rest of our lives!" said Lance. "Grab him!"

This was easier said than done. As soon as all three made a grab for him, Todd jumped. They all hit their heads at the same time as Todd made a mad dash for the door.

"Give it up Toad! The doors are all locked and so are the windows!" shouted Lance. "There's no way out!"

"Get him!" Shouted Pietro who sped in front of Todd. Todd skidded and nearly slid into him.

"Uh uh uh, it's not nice to run from Quicksilver! Hey! Come back here!" He grabbed Todd by the waist. "Got him! Whoa!"

What Pietro didn't count on was how hard it would be to hold onto Todd with his hopping abilities. "Ouch! Whoa! Whoa! Stop! Stop! Help!" Pietro cried as Todd dragged him throughout the house. As Todd was looking for a means of escape, Pietro was being banged into everything. "Ouch! Guys! A little help here! He's stronger than he looks!" 

"Hang on Pietro!"

"Whoopee! Ride 'em cowboy!"

"Guys cut it out! This isn't funny!" Todd cried out loud, still evading Lance and Fred while dragging Pietro.

"Ouch! You think this is fun?" Pietro cried. "Guys do something! I can't hold on much longer! Eeww! You really do need a bath!"

"Fred, cut him off at the pass!" shouted Lance.

"You got it! Come to Blob!" Fred swirled the net around and cast it. Unfortunately he got Lance instead.

"Not me you idiot!"

"Guys! Help! No not my room! Help! He's gonna trash the place!"

"There he goes!"

"He's getting away!"

"Hey! My lamp!"

"Pietro let go of me!"

"That way! Fred cut left! Cut left!"

"My left or your left?"

"Just get him!"

"Toad if you don't stop this right now I am going to pound you so hard…"

"Ah! He's on the ceiling!" 

"Help Me!"

"Get off me man I can't hold on!"

Todd fell off. Right into Fred's arms. "Got him!"

"Hold him Fred!"

"Freddy, leggo man. Hey, hey? You want candy? I'll give you candy! Pizza, hot dogs, anything you want if you let me go!" Todd yelped with fear.

"Sorry little buddy, no can do! Hey! Stop squirming!"

"Ow!" Todd yelped again. "That hurts!"

"Okay Fred, get him into the bathroom," Lance ordered. "Pietro, this is gonna be a two man job. C'mon."

"Ow, I think I twisted something! Why can't Fred do it?" whined Pietro. 

"Because we need him to keep the door closed. The lock doesn't work!"

"Aw man, I don't wanna take a bath! I don't wanna!"

"Stop whining Toad! This is for your own good!" snapped Lance.

"Not to mention ours!" snapped Pietro. "You think we don't have better things to do than to clean up our own personal hopping toxic waste dump!"

"We don't?" asked Fred.

"Shut up!" said Pietro.

"Okay, just bring him in here guys," said Lance opening the bathroom door. "Okay, on three, Fred you throw him to us." He motioned to Pietro who grudgingly followed him into the bathroom. 

"Come on Toady," Fred said in a sickeningly sweet voice. "Time to go meet our friends Mr. Soap and Mr. Water. Come on."

"No No! I don't wanna!" Todd moaned.

"Just shut up and don't give us any lip!" snapped Lance. "Okay, Fred. On three. Then shut the door and don't let us out until I tell you! One, two, three, now!"

Fred tossed Todd into the room then shut the door. He used his back to hold it down. It didn't sound pretty in there.

"Okay, get his clothes."

"Guys c'mon! Hey! Watch it!"

"Shut up Toad!"

"Get his pants!"

"Oh man, this is embarrassing!" 

"We're not exactly getting a thrill out of this you know!"

"Just get his underwear!"

"No guys you wouldn't! Stop it!"

"Oh lord. I am going to need a therapist."

"Get him in the tub!" 

"No, No, No, No!"

"Get in there you little slimeball! Watch it! Hey! Come back here!"

"It all started doctor when we had to give our hyperactive friend Toad a bath one day. I think that's when the nightmares started."

"You are not helping Pietro! Todd get off the wall right now or so help me you are going to …agghhh!"

Several loud splashes were heard. "He slimed me!" Pietro cried. Fred winced extremely glad he was not in there.

"Come on Toad, time to get all nice and clean! Hey! Stop splashing about or you will have some nice clean shiny bruises!"

"We oughta take him to a psychiatrist! Toad where do you get this fear of water? You're practically an amphibian you know?"

"Ow! Hey Lance, take it easy! What are you doing with that washcloth?"

"Look stop squirming! Man look at all this dirt! This washcloth is practically black already!"

"Whoa! Watch where you…oh stop! Don't wash me there! Oh man, that's weird. Too weird. Hey that's a sensitive area there!"

"How else am I gonna get your ears cleaned? Hold still."

"Now Toad, let's go back to your childhood. Ven you Vere little. Vell, you steel are leetle, but ven you vere leetler!"

"Pietro why oh why are you talking like Blue-Boy?"

"Actually I'm doing Sigmund Freud. Famous psychiatrist!"

"You need a psychiatrist! Pietro, hold him down!"

"Maybe I should do Frasier Crane?"

"Maybe you should do some work for a change! Now use the shampoo!"

"Oh goody, I get to play hairdresser! La! La! La! La! Now Toadie, what shall we do with your lovely hair today? I'm thinking something with pizzazz! Something that says "Hey! I'm a Toad! Look at me! Love me!"

"You have no idea what I'd love to do to you now, Speedy! Ow! Lance! You're scrubbing too hard!" 

"Will you stop whining! Look, just hold still! You…whoa! I never noticed that before!"

"What? What? Man! Look at that!"

"Pietro, you're getting soap in my eyes!"

"I never knew they looked like that! Wow! That is impressive! And to think you've been hiding your talents from us Toad!"

"Will you stop looking there! Oh man this is humiliating!"

"Toad, trust me. This is nothing to be ashamed about. Actually they're pretty cool."

"Man what I wouldn't give for that! That is pretty impressive! Hey Fred, you wanna see? Come on you gotta see this!"

"No!" Fred blanched white. "I don't wanna see anything! I don't wanna see anything! I do not want to see anything!"

"But you gotta see his feet man! They look like flippers in the water! That's the coolest!" Pietro shouted.

"Feet?" Fred asked.

"Yeah feet. What did you think we'd be talking about?" snapped Lance.

"So you wanna see?" asked Pietro.

"Uh…maybe later," Fred blushed.

"You really think they're okay?" Todd asked.

"Yeah. Hey, if you have flippers that means you must be a good swimmer!"

"Probably better than you Lance when Summers knocked you in the drink at that camp!"

"Shut up, Pietro!"

"Hey! Will you get this stuff outta my hair?"

"Its called conditioner, Toad. Takes care of those split ends of yours. It will make your hair nice and shiny."

"Aw man…hey. That feels pretty good."

"Of course it does. A nice relaxing head massage will do wonders. It will also stimulate the brain and enhance your natural aura."

"Oh brother, I live with the weirdest people on the face of the planet. A hyperactive nutcase and frog-boy who hates the water. I really have to consider getting new friends."

"Don't you love us anymore Lance?"

"Hey! Pietro don't splash me! I'm wet enough already thanks to Flipper over here!"

"Don't call me that! Ow! Okay! That is it! Take that!"

"Hey!"

"Watch it!"

"You watch it!"

"Okay, I warned you! This means war!"

"Banzai!"

Fred looked down at his shoes, which were starting to get pretty wet. "Hey, will you guys knock it off! There's water coming through the door!"

"Well then next time you give him a bath!" Lance shouted. "Pietro put that down!"

"Look out!" 

"Ha Ha Ha Ha! I am the Water King! All bow before me!"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Mystique stormed in. "This place is a mess! What's with all the water? Move aside Fred!"

"Uh, I don't think…" Fred began.

"Right. You don't think! Now move aside!" Mystique snarled. Fred shrugged and stepped aside. She opened the door. "Now listen here you…Wahhhhckkk!" She made a strangled sound as a stream of water doused her.

"Uh oh," Pietro gulped.

"Get…out…here…now!" Mystique ordered through clenched teeth. The boys came out, dripping wet. Todd was wearing a towel around his waist.

"Uh, we got him clean boss!" Pietro said a little too cheerfully.

"Well. Fine. That's done. At least we don't have that…AGGGGGGHHHH!" she plugged her nose in disgust. The other boys did the same instead of Todd, who stood there a bit annoyed. "That…stench! It's still there!"

"But we gave him a bath? I don't get it!" Lance whined.

"Uh…guys," Todd looked nervous. "I uh…always smell like that. It's part of my mutation I guess. Plus, whenever I get wet…the smell gets worse."

"Now he tells us!" Pietro groaned.

" I tried to tell you that Mystique! But when I did you didn't listen! You just gave me detention!" Todd explained. "Uh…boss? Ma'am? Why are you hitting your head like that?"

Mystique was now pounding her head on the bathroom door. "Why (thud)? Why (thud)? Why me lord? (thud, thud) Out of all the schools in the world, _he_ has to be in mine? (thud!) Why Why Why?!"


End file.
